Writing Vows and Taking Names

Procrastination will not be an option this time around.

My wife an I are renewing our vows next week in Vegas, and my only duty is to make sure that I don’t screw things up. And by ‘screw things up’, I mean, “don’t forget to write my vows.”

I like to think of myself as a relatively funny dude. I have a nack for off-the-cuff humor, but when I write, I am not so funny. Unfortunately, I am finding this out now while writing my vows to the wifey. We want to make nice, light-hearted, and silly vows that incapsulate our marriage to-date, and I am having a bit of a hard time wrapping my words around everything.

You would think that a die-hard blogger would be able to write something at gunpoint, but not this guy. The only thing I can actually do well at gunpoint (ironically) is marry a girl who is 5 months pregnant. Baahzing!

I am trying to think of those little funny nuances that she has, and believe me, she has a lot, but it’s hard to find one that’s noteworthy or capable of retaining more than an ackward chuckle and an uncomfortable seat adjustment. Example: “I love the way you cook dinner and make me do the dishes after you’re done in the kitchen…” or, “I love the way you yell at me when I don’t clean out my car for a month, and then you get upset because we find 13 cups and a random spoon… seriously, who’s spoon is that?!? C’MON!” But seriously, my wife is a brilliant person who deserves the best vow-writer EVER! That’s why I will not SLEEP until these vows are written.

So, I have been looking at corney wedding vow websites for inspiration, and MY GOD!! THEY SUCK! Somebody throw me a bone here. Let me know what worked for you.